‘Medicated’ and ‘McMadness’ (Two Poems by Sandy Jeffs)

Medicated

Roll up, roll up
Join me on the medication trolley
I’ve been on it for years
I’ve been Largactiled with bitter syrup
I’ve been Pimozided & Mellarilled & numbed
I was so Stelazined I was like a cat on a hot tin roof
I’ve been Modectated into a shuffle
& Clozapined into a stupor
I was Seranaced to sleep
& Abilifyed to sleeplessness
When I was Risperidoned I lactated like a cow
They Cogentined me to stop the look ups but I kept looking up
I was Lithiumed & Epilimed to even my pendulum
I’ve been Imipramined, Prothiadened, Lexaproed
Effexored & Zolofted to happiness
I was Valiumed & Ativaned into tranquillity
Now I’m Zyprexaed & ravenous & fuzzled
I’m Lamotrigined & balanced
& Seroquelled
Yes indeedy, I’m medicated & dedicated to
The medication trolley
Here’s looking at you pill bottles.

 

McMadness

Hello, do you have a Big Mac delusion
or a Cheese Burger delusion?
is that one voice with grandiose ideas
or two voices of persecution?
have you spent all your savings
& bought three new Ferraris & a Rolls lately
& slept with every Tom, Dick & Jane?
are you self harming or
feeling unremitting misery?
then drive thru the fastpsychiatry ward
we’ll have you McDiagnosed,
treated, medicated & McSane
in two shakes of a pill bottle
& by the way, if your suicidal threats
are only attention seeking
leave now because you are wasting our time
McSanity is our business.

Now that you are here
terms & conditions apply
you can only stay a few days
but don’t worry we’ll get you McSane
before you can say
can I have some compassion with that?
we’ll give you drugs that will fatten you up
kill your libido
make you dribble & constipated
turn you into a zombie
sedate to you to exhaustion
eventually bring on diabetes
cardiovascular disease
& premature death
but we’ll have you out of here like shit off a shovel
even if you’re still mad
because there’ll be someone madder who will need your bed
but don’t worry we’ll give you a McHappy Pack
full of pharmaceutical goodies
free of charge to take with you
& just to make sure you are somewhere in the system
& can’t do a runner & not get treatment
we’ll slap a Community Treatment Order on you
& we’ll offer you McTherapy
to help you cope with isolation
unemployment, poverty & rejection
we’ll have you McSane if it kills you.

& now for some McTherapy
hello $150.99c
how are the voices today? $295.99c
keep taking the medication $380.99c
here’s a prescription $525.99c
see you in 6 months $945.99c

So, he’s McSane & out of the bin
& back in your care
how wonderful that you can experience
a deep emotional fulfilment
by looking after your psychotic son 24/7
with no support & no resources
while you hold down a job &
try to keep the rest of your family happy
& your marriage intact &
not lose your friends
don’t worry if you can’t cope when he is
threatening to kill himself
the CAT team might pop in a couple of times a day
just to make sure things are okey-doke
you’ll survive the other 23 hours
of worry & stress & doing the best you can
in an impossible situation because
you always do & because you love him
& if you are desperate you can have some McTherapy too
because your McSanity is important.

It’s a McMad world
everyone has forms to fill in & boxes to tick
i’s to dot & t’s to cross
performance requirements to meet
risk assessments to make
& pressure, pressure, pressure
Fastpsychiatry is the name of this game
Ah, McSane we’ve done it again.

© Sandy Jeffs 2012

Sandy Jeffs is an Australian poet and community educator. Her memoir Flying with Paper Wings: Reflections on Living with Madness, published by Vulgar Press, was SANE book of the Year in 2010. You can read more of her poems and essays on this site here.

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